Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
