I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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