EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
