Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
