i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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