im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Damn victory sex feels great
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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