I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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