Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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