I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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