I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
