she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
