wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
