Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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