When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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