Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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