I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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