i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
