I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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