You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
