Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Send help, water and tortillas.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
