If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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