Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
