wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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