i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
