help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she looked like the before picture.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
