Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Did I show you my penis last night?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
