Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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