It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
