I think my fart just growled at me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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