Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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