Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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