just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
