1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
