The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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