Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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