If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
