Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
