the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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