Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
