I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
