i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
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I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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