I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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