there's paper in my vomit.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
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I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Come on in and take your pants off
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