when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
