the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need water and some morals
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
