So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
