i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
