there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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