i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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