I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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