my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
