I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
