The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
