True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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