I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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