Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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