I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
