oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
