Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
