dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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