Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
