Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
