Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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