Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
