he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
