i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
