If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
