$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
