So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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