jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
