she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
