Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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